i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
