Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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