So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
