are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I touched a dick in church today
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize