my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
