Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
