I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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