is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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