we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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