Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
this boner is exhausting
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize