I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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