did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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