Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
