hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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