Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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