On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
