I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
