dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
