my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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