grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
