I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Of course I have a pirate flag
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
True strength comes from lack of pants
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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