turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was like eating out sand paper
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
