Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
