It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
