I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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