We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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