things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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