im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
