I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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