i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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