what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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