He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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