shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
