"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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