did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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