Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
