I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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