I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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