took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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