hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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