I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Best friends brother. Beat that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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