when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
