I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
