She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
