My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My penis needs a shock collar
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
