just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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