Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
