Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
