youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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