I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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