ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
