I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
