i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
