thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
