hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I need water and some morals
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
