I feel like abortions should bother me more
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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