and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
