I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
