Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
