you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
