The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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