yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
