last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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