I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
