I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
