Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
