i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i've created a new STD.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
