I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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