Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
