So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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