just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
