3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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