i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
