you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
