I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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