Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
