I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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