I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
