You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
