"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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