I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
