I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
