hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
