I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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