i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
