My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just invented taco cereal.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
