ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
