A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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