evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
